Mum and baby bonding starts from conception. Bonding is a non-physical special connection between mother and child. It influences the child’s physical and emotional development as well as the mother’s wellbeing during pregnancy, postpartum and breastfeeding.
It facilitates physical processes like for example, the mother’s let down when it is time to feed even if the baby is out of sight or has shown no signs of hunger/distress.
Bonding cannot be acquired or forced. It is in-built and just needs to be tried and tested. However, bonding can be disrupted by a traumatic birth experience, too many interventions or medications, maternal stress or baby’s health issues such as colic (see my post on colic here).
The following exercise uses mindfulness techniques to help with mother-baby attunement. You can read it mindfully while breastfeeding or holding your baby.
Bonding Mindfulness Exercise
Make sure you are in a quiet space, away from the busyness and noise. You may have relaxing music in the background.
Sit comfortably and place your attention to your breathing. Breathe in and out deeply. You are holding your baby but for now just place your attention to your breathing. Deep inhalations, deep exhalations. Be sure that if you relax, baby will pick up the vibes and relax too.
Become aware of your back supported against the chair/armchair. Noice how your attention tends to be for most of the day placed forward, onto the baby, the breast, baby on your arms.
You can feel your baby’s warmth in your arms, his/her breathing and little noises. For now, make a conscious effort to bring your awareness to your back and let baby gently move to the background.
Keep breathing. Become aware of your feet touching the ground, left and right foot. Move up towards your calfs, left and right. And finally sitting bones resting against the seat pad. Feel the support. Feet on the ground. Sitting bones supported by the seat.
Drop into that lower body space fully trusting that the chair, the earth underneath are sustaining, supporting you and baby right now.
And now bring your awareness back to your baby. Feel the gentle movements of your baby breathing, the softness of his/her skin, light weight and warmth. Babies and mums can synchronise their breathing in as little time as 3 seconds. So by now, you are probably breathing as one. How is this possible?
Imagine there is an invisible cord through which all kinds of non-verbal communication happens between yourself and your baby. Some mothers visualise it of a certain colour, length or texture. Others just get a sense for it. Even if you cant visualise or feel it, just imagine that it is there.
Next, whereabouts you do feel this connection? Some women feel it at around their navel; others around their heart. No matter how it is or where is it, the important thing is that you bring it to your consciousness as if shedding light on to it.
Become aware that this cord represents the deep non-verbal, beyond-matter connection between yourself and your baby. It cannot be explained. It is beyond comprehension.
A very very old and deep connection. It is wise and nurturing in its quality. It goes beyond time and space. It has no limits. It is boundless. And it is made of LOVE.
Open your heart and feel the love for your child. Fill up your heart with the love for the sweetest, cutest, most precious being that is in your arms. And send that love through the cord onto him/her. Keep sending your love and await for the most amazing development as you will soon start feeling that love back to you since he/she loves you very much too.
The connection is two-ways, from you to baby and from baby to you. Feel love blossoming, raising and expanding until it wraps you both into a cocoon of LOVE.
Know that in this love-filled space there is no room for fears or worries. It is a space of safety. It is a space of deep knowing. It is a space of trust. Trust in yourself (your body), your baby, your most unique, magical, extraordinary relationship.
And know that now all is well. All is well. All is well.
When the time is ready, gently come back into the room.
